The thing is, I’ve been there before. Life just doesn’t always cooperate by sending us a nice, steady flow of things to do, challenges to face, and problems to solve. Sometimes things are going along almost effortlessly. Other times, it’s like a logjam of issues, making it hard to even determine what to do first.

I’m sure you’ve been there, and our teens will be there too (if they haven’t been there already).

At times like that, it’s tempting to tell our teens, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” Have you used that one before? If so, please stop. God isn’t doing these things to us, doling out problems and challenges. Life does that. Other people do that. The decisions and choices we make do that. Think of what we face in life as being a result of humans having free will, not as some story that God has plotted out for us.

The simple fact is that many people will face more than they can handle. It’s probably safe to say that, at some point in our lives, most of us will face more than we can handle. Or, to put it more accurately, we’ll face more than we can handle alone.

We need to show our teens that one of the wonderful things about being a Christian and surrounding ourselves with loving, supportive people, is that we don’t have to face everything alone! We have others to lean on – just as they can lean on us when they need to. And the Holy Spirit is among us too. With the help of others and the strength of God’s grace, we can get through those times when we feel overwhelmed. It might not be easy, and the results might not be exactly what we’d like, but we can do it. We can face those times of overwhelm and keep going.

So, what did I do? I stopped staring at my computer screens and started contacting people. Can you take care of this for me? Do you know who I can talk to about that? Can we move the deadline on this other thing? Does this really need to be done?

I stopped occasionally to breathe, clear my head, and pray a little bit. Then I kept working my way through everything. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t perfect. And not everything got done on time. But with the help of others and some strength and calmness from the Spirit, I made it through the overwhelm.

If I can do it, then you can do it, and our teens can learn to do it too!

To make a personal change, addressing actions isn’t enough!

It’s frustrating when we see something so clearly, while teens just don’t seem to get it. How can that happen? How do they justify the bad choices they’ve made? How can they say and do certain things? Why in the world do they believe some of the things they do?

Well, it’s not really that difficult to understand.

Let’s start with the end – the results they achieve. In this case, our teens have caused us to be angry and frustrated. These results were driven by their actions – what they said and did – and those actions were caused by their beliefs. At which point, we want to shout, “But why do they believe those stupid things?!?”

People’s beliefs come from their experiences. Or, more accurately, their interpretation of those experiences. What happens to us, and how we understand our experiences, forms our beliefs. Our beliefs drive our actions, and our actions deliver results. It’s true with adults, and it’s true with our teens.

As adults (and as Confirmation Sponsors), we tend to focus on the behaviors – the actions – and simply try to convince our teens to change them. If they achieve a bad result, we explain how their actions caused it and either coerce or guilt them into choosing different actions. Unfortunately, that doesn’t address the underlying beliefs or how they are interpreting what they’re experiencing in life.

If we want to help our teens grow into healthy, well-balanced adults, then we should teach them to look deeper than their actions. Let’s show them how to examine their beliefs, and then question why they believe what they do. What experiences are helping to create those beliefs, and are there other ways of interpreting those experiences?

It’s a healthy habit to develop. Without it, they run the risk of stagnating, or closing their minds to anything that doesn’t align to their current view of the world. Creation is bigger than that. God is bigger than that. To continue to grow in their faith, our teens need to be open to change.

And guess what? We do too.

So, if we want to help our teens learn to change and grow, then we need to practice looking deeper too!

Every week, I spend time reading and rereading Scripture. I study the context and try to discern the layers of meaning that are often present. When I look at passages from the Gospel in this way, it means I’m looking with an almost critical eye. Are the words meant literally only? Should they be taken literally at all? Or is their meaning figurative, pointing to something deeper? Especially when it comes to the words of Jesus, there’s almost always so much more there than meets the eye!

The problem is that Jesus can start to feel like a bit of an enigma. Do I really know him? Am I really sure of what he’s saying? And have I discerned his call for me correctly? Questions and more questions. It’s hard to be a fan of that!

And yet, if we’re true disciples – true followers of Christ – isn’t that what we’re striving for? You can tell an Alabama football fan at a glance! But how many people would look at you and think, “Now THERE’S a true Christian!”

When teens are fans of someone – whether an athlete, musician, actor, or social media influencer – they feel like they know the person. They follow the “star” on social media, stay up on the latest news and gossip, and then talk about it with other fans they know.

If our teen Confirmation Candidates aren’t doing that with Christ – our Lord and Savior – then I’m guessing it’s because they don’t feel like they really know Jesus very well. As Sponsors, part of our role is to help change that situation. It could start with us making sure that when we meet with our Candidates, we’re actually talking about Jesus more often. Everyone doesn’t need to study Scripture the way I do, but every Sponsor should try spending more time reading the Gospels and talking to Jesus in prayer.

Start with yourself. Try to become clearly recognizable as a fan of Jesus… and then show your Candidate the joy of being a true disciple!

Need bit more helping playing the role of Confirmation Sponsor? Check out our online training for sponsors!