During my 30 years in youth ministry, one of the most common situations I’ve found with adult sponsors of teen or young adult candidates for Confirmation is that (1) they are extremely honored to have been asked to be a sponsor, but (2) they see their role as being a bit of a formality. Most sponsors will attend a 1-day Confirmation Prep retreat with their candidate and then just show up for the rehearsal and the actual Confirmation celebration. What else is there to do, right?
What most sponsors don’t realize is that they have been given an incredible opportunity to play a critical and necessary role in the life of a young person. We live in a busy society and things are NOT like they used to be. Although teens and young adults may seem hyper-connected thanks to social media and the veritable super computers they carry in their pockets, the reality is much different.
Young People Feel Alone
In spite of all the amazing technology that keeps us “connected” 24×7, recent studies by Springtide Research Institute show that 1 in 3 of our young people feel completely alone much of the time. Think about that: Over a third of our youth and young adults, ages 13 to 25, feel utterly alone in this world – a world that also seems like we’re always “on.” And if that wasn’t bad enough, almost 40% of these young people say they have no one to talk to and they feel completely left out.
When I’ve spoken to sponsors about this, their initial reaction is almost always something like this: “Those studies are probably done with ALL young people – but I bet those who are active in their Church and are in programs like youth group or Confirmation Prep don’t feel that way!”
It’s a nice thought… but the researchers considered that too. These same studies showed that participating in religious groups had “virtually no protective effect” when it came to the experience of loneliness. Based upon both survey results and face-to-face interviews, the researchers concluded that “participation” is definitely not the same as feeling like you “belong.”
My youth was spent in the 70s and 80s – a time when you either saw someone in person or you called them on the phone. (Full disclosure: I was a HORRIBLE pen pal!) For someone my age – or even 15 or 20 years younger – it’s hard to believe that today’s technology isn’t bridging the gap and allowing young people to stay far more connected than we ever could. And yet young people today feel socially isolated. In fact, almost 10% reported they had NO meaningful social interaction in a typical day!
Lest you think that’s no big deal, you must also consider that over half of 13- to 25-year-olds said they experience multiple stress factors; and 35% of them indicated that they have absolutely no one to turn to when they’re stressed.
Wow. Lot’s of bad news, right? But there is actually some very good news – and that’s where you come in as a Confirmation sponsor!
One Caring Adult Makes a Difference
These same studies by Springtide found that young people who have a meaningful relationship with a trusted adult in a religious organization feel less isolated, less stressed, more confident about their future, and more connected overall. Simply having one trusted adult to rely upon reduced the experience of social isolation that was so common among the young people who participated in the study.
Springtide identified what they call the “Belongingness Process,” which can be thought of as a progression through levels of relationship.
The first level is the feeling that “I am noticed.” It sounds so simple – but many young people feel completely overlooked and ignored. As a caring adult, you need to start by noticing – by paying attention to – the young people you encounter.
The second level is the feeling that “I am named.” Again, it sounds simple, but most adults don’t even bother to learn the names of the young people around them – even those they encounter on a regular basis. It’s not enough to just notice young people, you also have to remember their names.
The third level is the feeling that “I am known.” Noticing young people and remembering their names is relatively easy. Getting to know them as human beings with thoughts, feelings, and lived experiences – and genuinely understanding and KNOWING them – takes time, energy, and focus. But the payoff is tremendous because it benefits both the young people and the church community. As I said, having a relationship with just one caring adult within the parish community helps the young person feel less isolated, less stressed, more confident about their future, and more connected overall. And that feeling of connection makes it much more likely they’ll remain in the Church as they get into college and then out into the workforce, which is when many, many young adults drift away from the faith.
How to Be a Caring Adult
YOU can make a huge difference as a sponsor! YOU can help a younger person deal with the struggles of life now, and then make it much more likely they’ll stay in the Church during the years to come. I think that’s worth a little extra time, energy, and focus on your part, don’t you?
If you’re willing to make the commitment to have such a profound impact in the life of your Confirmation candidate, then you should take either the Confirmation Sponsor Crash Course LITE or the Confirmation Sponsor Crash Course FULL version. But in the meantime, start with these three basic steps:
Action 1: Give your candidate the experience of being noticed and named. Contact your candidate regularly, call him or her by name (frequently), and show a genuine interest in what’s going on in his or her life… not just in regards to Confirmation!
Action 2: Help your candidate experience a feeling of “belonging” by practicing “nonjudgment.” Ask open-ended questions and then listen to understand. Try not to dole out all kinds of advice because it’s often perceived as judgment, and the Springtide studies indicated that accepting young people without judgment was absolutely essential for feelings of deep belongingness to happen.
Action 3: Be intentional with building a relationship. Don’t be hit-or-miss, showing interest in spurts (when it’s convenient for you) and never being consistent. Come up with a plan – make yourself a schedule – and commit to it. If you are intentional and don’t rely on things “just happening,” you’ll find that it’s much, much easier to have a significant positive impact in your candidate’s Confirmation prep and life!
Remember that most young people are only one adult relationship away from a better life. Be that adult! Make a difference! With the help of the Holy Spirit, I know you can do it.
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