Looking Deeper

To make a personal change, addressing actions isn’t enough!

It’s frustrating when we see something so clearly, while teens just don’t seem to get it. How can that happen? How do they justify the bad choices they’ve made? How can they say and do certain things? Why in the world do they believe some of the things they do?

Well, it’s not really that difficult to understand.

Let’s start with the end – the results they achieve. In this case, our teens have caused us to be angry and frustrated. These results were driven by their actions – what they said and did – and those actions were caused by their beliefs. At which point, we want to shout, “But why do they believe those stupid things?!?”

People’s beliefs come from their experiences. Or, more accurately, their interpretation of those experiences. What happens to us, and how we understand our experiences, forms our beliefs. Our beliefs drive our actions, and our actions deliver results. It’s true with adults, and it’s true with our teens.

As adults (and as Confirmation Sponsors), we tend to focus on the behaviors – the actions – and simply try to convince our teens to change them. If they achieve a bad result, we explain how their actions caused it and either coerce or guilt them into choosing different actions. Unfortunately, that doesn’t address the underlying beliefs or how they are interpreting what they’re experiencing in life.

If we want to help our teens grow into healthy, well-balanced adults, then we should teach them to look deeper than their actions. Let’s show them how to examine their beliefs, and then question why they believe what they do. What experiences are helping to create those beliefs, and are there other ways of interpreting those experiences?

It’s a healthy habit to develop. Without it, they run the risk of stagnating, or closing their minds to anything that doesn’t align to their current view of the world. Creation is bigger than that. God is bigger than that. To continue to grow in their faith, our teens need to be open to change.

And guess what? We do too.

So, if we want to help our teens learn to change and grow, then we need to practice looking deeper too!